Hopeless

I gave CPR instructions on the phone for the first time last night. Well, not the first time, but this time they worked the code when my crew got there. I was going through my pre-arrival instructions, just like I'm supposed to, but when I got to the ventilations the caller said she couldn't open her sister's mouth, it was stiff. I went back to compressions. For almost 20 minutes she pumped on the chest. No one was able to relieve her. Between sobs, she counted. I was the voice on the other side of the line, supposed to send in the calvary, save the day, and in the meantime be the solution. All I could do was keep telling her to pump the chest. Stopping occasionally to check the mouth. I knew it was futile. I had already given up on this lady. Her sister never gave up though. She kept going. I felt like a fraud telling her that these chest compressions would keep her going until the paramedics got there. I told her these compressions would keep her going. I encouraged her not to give up, when I had already given up. I talked to the crew later, they transported the patient, worked the code...but I couldn't bring myself to ask if they got her back. I didn't want my thoughts to be confirmed. It just seemed...hopeless...