Senseless

I've been an EMT for six months today. I've learned more in those six months than I have my entire life. I've pushed myself harder, walked into more awkward situations, and been privy to more private moments than I would like to admit. I've flashed more smiles, patted more backs, shook more hands, and dolled out more hugs to strangers than I thought I would.
I'm about 3 months into paramedic school, I'll be an intermediate next month. My rotations and ride-outs are in full swing right now. Last night I was at one of the trauma centers(we have three in town) here doing an ER rotation. We were busy. Three patients were flown in while we were there, and we had three "majors" brought in by EMS.
I was sitting in the parking lot before my shift started reading a book, Life, Death, and everything in between. Great book, but don't buy it when you've got things you need to do, I can't put it down. Anyways, I was in the parking lot, and I heard the helicopter take off, so I had an inkling we'd at least be getting one back during our shift. About fifteen minutes into shift they came in with an 18-month old little girl with second and third degree burns on about 25% of her body. I never got the whole story, but from what we were told one of her parents poured some form of hot liquid on her. She didn't stay in the ER long, her vitals were stable so they shipped her up to the Pedi floor pretty quick.
Not long after EMS brought in a 3wk old baby who wasn't belted into her car seat and fell out of a buggy(shopping cart for you northerners), the baby landed face down, head first with the car seat on top of her. She was fine, had an area of redness on her head, so she went to CT and I believe was released a few hours later.
Next we had another trauma flown in from about 10 minutes away, another post for another day on abuse of HEMS, he was a motorcycle vs car. His leg was sliced up pretty good, with a splinter of his femur showing in one of the lacs, he had bilateral fractures to his radius and ulna, as well as a hemapneumothorax, with altered mental status tossed in there to keep things interesting. His vitals remained stable, but he was in a lot of pain. What really caught me was that this was just a kid, he was only 18.
There were two cases brought in next, a transfer flown from south Texas, nail in the neck thanks to a nail gun, he was stable and I didn't get to spend much time with him. EMS also brought in a guy who played chicken with a car...on his bicycle...we had a more critical patient come in shortly afterward so I didn't get to spend any time with him either.
They brought in a 22 year old male who was taken to the fire-station by his mother when he passed out in the car on the way to the hospital. He had been having difficulty breathing for three weeks, asthmatic. He had agonal respirations when they brought him in. I heard the report when they said agonal respirations I immediately thought back, Agonal=imminent death...As EMS rolled him into the room, he was certainly having agonal respirations, he was working so hard to breathe, and when he got transferred on to the hospital bed he sat bolt up-right and started fighting. You could see the panic in his eyes, he clawed at his chest and tried in vain to gasp for air. He was immediately given a nebulizer with no improvement, still had wheezes in all four, so the decision was quickly made to RSI and intubate him. This was the first time I'd seen RSI used, and the first time I'd watched a real person be intubated. I've intubated countless dummie's, but it's a whole 'nother ball game on a real person. The doc looked like he was having trouble, but said he had the tube, we got positive color change and bilateral breath sounds but he was very hard to bag. We kept bagging until RT got down and got the vent set up, but he was still hard to ventilate and his CO2 was climbing, so they did a chest compression to force the patient to exhale, then he would be ventilated a bit then compressed. The doctor called it an "air trap" He described it as the patient was so constricted from asthma that he couldn't exhale. We got blood labs back and the patient's PH was six, as I left the ER for the night, they were still fighting a losing battle on trying to ventilate the patient.

So, it was a very interesting night in the ER to say the least. But, on nights like that, I can't help but go home and question the senselessness of it all...
Patient 1: Suffering child abuse at the young age of 18 months....how someone can pour boiling liquid on their own child, I'll never understand...
Patient 2: An honest mistake, but one that didn't have to happen...
Patient 3: He's 18 and his life will never be the same. Speed and wet roads are a bad mix, and unfortunately it seems to take things like this to teach people otherwise.
Patient 4: We found out that he had a history of heroin abuse, and had used recently. He had been given narcan, but between the respiratory depression and status asthmaticus...the doctors didn't have much hope of getting him back.

Is it wrong that I get angry when I see people battered and bruised, on the verge of death, when I know it's due to negligence or stupidity? I know it will never stop, but already, in a short six months, it's frustrating to watch the needless suffering that people put themselves through. I guess I probably shouldn't worry to much about it, and just hope that in a few months when the state hands me that little piece of paper that I'll be good enough in a few years to help in the aftermath...